Take me or leave me

She felt drowsy, and she didn't know how it had happened, but she was suddenly in Andrew's bed, staring at the ceiling after having taken the antidote. Her body felt weak, her eyes filled with tears as she just stared up at the white paint above. Being at his place always made her happy, it was a place where she didn't have to worry about being herself, no matter how wild or crazy that was. But now she felt like she had been beaten down again. She felt betrayed, but also extremely heartbroken. That poor fenix. Even though she had been dizzy, she had still seen the pained expression on that poor woman's face. "I need some fresh air," she mumbled. Moving proved a little difficult, but if Andrew tried helping, she would just evade him. "Alone, please," she would mumble, stumbling on insecure legs until she reached the balcony, stepping outside and closing the door after her. She had a lot to process, mostly how she now felt about Andrew. She knew he had been part of how the fenix looked when Valerie finally came in to the room. Breathing out, she felt like screaming, just getting her frustrations out. Had she been blinded by the pure attraction between her and the daemon that she hadn't noticed that side of him?

Valerie felt so torn. On one hand she knew her own morality was probably tainted, but she was trying to be different. Wasn't he trying to stray away from that side of him. And then she felt nauseous once more, leaning her head out and closing her eyes as a breeze hit her face, letting some of her hair get caught by the wind.
Maybe she was crazy, maybe Joaquin really had managed to manipulate her to believing that things could change. Walking in to the apartment once more she spotted him in the kitchen. Had she gathered herself enough to confront him? She didn't know, but she walked out to him regardless. "Say something please ... Before I lose my mind," she said, looking at him with hurt eyes.

His reply made her sigh, mostly because she didn't know what she wanted him to say. Something? Anything? She just felt like she was being strangled by the silence between them. But she didn't know how to feel about what he said. Part of her felt overwhelmed that he actually weighed her life that high, and another part of her wanted to tell at him for even putting her in that situation. However as he leaned against the kitchen counter she moved closer. She wasn't good with words, she didn't even know if she could explain her emotions even if she tried. "You're blaming yourself ... I know you are," she said. Was it wrong to reach out? To touch him and pull him close? "Andrew, tell me something ... Why would your sibling try and hurt you by hurting me?"

Her moving closer was just confusing him more than anything else. She had been so persistent on making distance between them in the bedroom and now she was willingly moving closer to him? He wish that he could just read her mind and know what she was thinking, what she wanted to hear. Her assumption that he was blaming himself made a sour expression appear on his face. Her question made him scoff, the sourness enhancing as he shook his head. "Isnt it obvious? How many of your friends has daemons as their partner? A serious commitment, not just hookups. I can already tell you that it's probably none," he said, frowning to himself as he felt quite bitter by his own words. "It's not forbidden but it's looked down upon to be a daemon who mingles with non-daemons," he explained further, looking away from her. "So you tell me why you were targetted, it's obvious." - "My sister needed muscles and I wouldnt have helped her if it hadnt been because of you," he said, looking up as he mentioned her. "My only weakness, the lycan who just wouldnt give up," he added, frowning to himself.

She knew it was obvious, but if he just said it, maybe she could accept it in her mind. And there it was. She was his weakness. Frowning she reached out, taking his hand and moving it to her face. Leaning her cheek against his palm, she closed her eyes, feeling all of the emotions he was going through. That had been why she hadn't wanted him to help, like she wasn't ready to feel and are it all. "I think what makes me most angry, is the fact that I would've done the same if the roles were reversed," she whispered, still keeping her eyes shut. "I just ... I've never had someone feel like that about me ... And have me returning those feelings," she said, opening her eyes slowly.
"I guess you are going to break up with me for my own safety," she whispered, feeling her eyes water. She cared for him, more than she did for herself and her own life. "But I'm not going to listen to you trying to explain how it's for my own safety ... Because I will be miserable without you, my guardian, in my life," she said, turning her head in his hand, kissing his palm gently.

He let her move his hand to her face, pressing his skin gently against hers as his eyes were filled with sorrow. He didnt want to feel this conflicted, but at the same time he just hated having weaknesses. They were always used against him, time had proven it over and over. But could he really just get rid of her? Would his heart be able to handle that? He wasnt surprised to hear that she wouldnt have acted differently in his stead. But her words after that struck a nerve. "You and me both," he mumbled, looking away from her.
He felt like she could read his mind, making him look at her as he saw her eyes tear up. He felt like a real piece of shit, not wanting to hurt her but not wanting her to be hurt by someone with the intent to get to him. It was just too likely that Raziela wouldnt be done with her if he kept her around. He ran his thumb over her cheekbone and sighed, "Being miserable is better than being dead," he said in all seriousness. He was also tearing up at this point, but it only showed as his eyes glimmering in the natural light. He looked away. "I cant reject you, you wouldnt listen anyway. But I cant keep you here with me, and you cant change my mind" he said, feeling his lower lip quiver with emotion. This was the only time he was hoping for her stubbornness to subside, just for a moment.

Valerie shook her head at his words. "I'd rather be dead than go through misery," she whispered, kissing his palm once more. His next words made her close her eyes, a few tears escaping her eyes, inhaling his scent. They had been playing pretend. They had tried to set up a life together, one that neither of their families would ever accept. It had been stupid and childish, but now it was coming to an end, and it would end sooner or later. "Joaquin is getting out ... Perhaps it was better to end it now than have him find out," she whispered in a sad voice. She would go back to being the submissive housewife, going to bed and once again only dreaming of Andrew. "Kiss me ... Just one more time, Drew, please," she whispered, moving closer to him looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Give me something to dream about when he's done with my body, let my soul have something to soothe itself by," she whispered, looking up at him, her cheeks filled with tears. It was goodbye, she knew that, but she just didn't want to go without having felt his lips one more time.

"What choice do I have?" She whispered in a hopeless voice. She had to just accept that the world wanted to tear them apart, and he wasn't willing to fight for it. He kept pleading with her, but she just shook her head. She would have no choice. Her parents had only accepted this because she had been practically free. But Joaquin would come and he would claim her once more. Andrew leaned in, his lips sweater than honey and she clung herself to him, her arms wrapping around him as she returned the tender kiss. The only thing was; He wasn't letting go, hugging her closer and not breaking the kiss. He had been so adamant that this was it, and yet he lingered. Valerie had to break the kiss, breathing out as she kept her eyes closed. She knew she couldn't look at him, because then she would never leave, and he had asked that off her. She turned around, not looking at him as she cried, walking towards the door. She knew that once she was out the door, their fantasy was broken and she wouldn't be able to open her heart again.

Time heals all wounds, or so people kept saying in her day to day life. Everything seemed to pick up from before Joaquin had been sent to jail, his constant trying and failing at constraining her. But the worst part was that now she didn't fight back as often. Then everything went crazy when he proposed, her family delighted and his family showering her with gifts, but among all of this she kept thinking back to when she had been with Andrew. How free she had felt and how liberated she had been. Now it was as if the time had been erased.
That night Joaquin had decided that they were to go out and celebrate their engagement, go to a bar with the usual people and get a few drinks. Valerie only accepted because drunk she at least didn't have to be conscious when he wanted a piece of her. Walking in to the bar, Joaquin pulled her closer by the hip, making her whine as he leaned in to her ear, whispering what he deemed to be sweet nothings. The lycan wasn't amused, but she needed to keep up the act. They were happily engaged, and one day she would bear him children that would grow up to be just as twisted as he was. Her eyes were blank, as if all life had been sucked from them, and underneath a good layer of make up, a fain bruise was visible to the naked eye. "Sit on my lap," Joaquin ordered as they sat down by a booth, and she followed orders like the dog she was. He grabbed her firmly, making her frown, but looking down to disguise it. "Wrap your arms around me," he demanded, and she followed suit, albeit reluctantly.

Valerie didn't feel comfortable, but things were the way they were, and she just had to accept it. She didn't love Joaquin, she didn't like being close to him, and after feeling what she had with Andrew she feared she would never get to feel it again. And just as her thoughts drifted to the daemon of her fantasies, he stepped in to the bar. His stature large, his arms comforting and his gaze pained. Her heart skipped a beat, and although she had swore to never open her heart again, it was as if he was standing there with a crowbar ready to break it open. It seemed like Joaquin noticed Valerie's attention was elsewhere, turning and his gaze hitting the brute daemon. Scoffing he got up, no regards to the fact that Valerie had to stumble a bit to regain her balance. He grabbed her by the neck, pulling her with him over to the large daemon, looking him up and down. Despite Joaquin not being as tall as Andrew, he was still a head taller than Valerie, and it was clear he wasn't threatened. "Well if it isn't the weasel that thought he ever had a chance with my girl," he said in a degrading voice, moving Valerie with ease, making her whimper under her breath. He was digging his nails in to her neck, hiding behind her long hair that she kept down. "Give her a good glance, cause this will be the last time you'll ever see her; We're getting married," he said with triumphant in his voice, grabbing her hand with the large ring on it, flaunting it to Andrew rather proudly. Valerie looked away, her wild demeanor broken and what was left was just a shell of how she had been not long ago. "I'll give it to ya, it took a while to break her in ... And she still has trouble abiding by orders, but it will come with time," he said, scoffing as he looked at Valerie with disgust. Valerie wanted him to let go, she wanted Andrew to grab her, steal her and take her far away, but again that was only for the fairy tales. Those they had thrown away the day she left, and she didn't feel worthy of Andrew anymore. Damaged goods, what what the term was, and she felt a little helpless.
Joaquin pulled her closer, kissing her cheek, making Valerie squeeze her eyes tightly together, because she didn't want to see Andrew hurt. But her fiancé seemed to know how much power he had in this situation. "You know, once she's popped a few of my children out, she'll be a good wife; Listening to her husband, abiding his laws, and none of that teenage behavior," he whispered against her cheek. Valerie shivered, her eyes finding Andrew's, but even though she was hurting right now, she could feel her heart beat so faster when looking at those chocolate brown eyes. "I hope you're doing well," she whispered in a timid voice, her hands itching to reach forward. Joaquin had let go of her once, and it was clear he wasn't giving up willingly. "Tell Elora I said hi," she said making the male lycan scoff, digging his nails further in to Valerie's neck, making her whimper. "Enough with that now ... We have a group of friends to tend to," he said, turning to lean in closer to Valerie's ear, whispering loud enough for the daemon to hear: "And when we get home I'll waste no time getting you out of that skin tight dress."

One thing was being degraded, another was having the man she loved so dearly have to watch her like this. It was true what Joaquin said, it had taken quite the intense beating to get her to submit. But she hadn't expected Andrew to act like this, grabbing the large lycan and forcing him to let go of her. Valerie placed a hand on her neck feeling where his nails had pierced her skin. Joaquin barely got to reply as he got pushed away.
His hand. So gentle, so caring and yet so forbidden. Valerie's friends had gathered around them, watching it all play out. Who was that mysterious daemon? And why wasn't Valerie running to Joaquin's side? She looked in to his brown eyes, seeing how he was begging her to come with him. But what good would it do? He had broken it off for her safety, and was he now going back on those words? "Drew," she pleaded with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to open her heart, she had sealed in shut and yet here he was breaking it open with his bare hands. "Keep me safe," was all she could ask of him, walking closer to him, wrapping her arms around him.
Joaquin had stumbled back to his feet, moving towards them and grabbing Valerie's hand before she could hug herself completely close to Andrew. "You little bitch, you are my property," his voice sounded like a viper, spitting hot venom at the female lycan.

Valerie felt so close, closer to being near Andrew, closer to be further away from Joaquin, and it was just within her reach. However as he grabbed her arm, he also managed to yank her backwards, stumbling a bit before it seemed like the daemon stepped in. She hit his tall stature, her head leaned against his back as he was facing her fiancee. No, she didn't want to marry that guy, she didn't even know if marriage was something she wanted, and yet here she had been played in to believing that it was her destiny. Andrew spoke, his voice deep and while it was threatening towards the other man, she found herself ever so safe by the sound of his voice. It didn't even matter at this point if they couldn't be together, she just knew she needed him in her life. A rock. A guardian. Someone who could always remind her of her wild side and how fierce she could be. How loved she could be.
"She's mine by right," Joaquin protested, but he seemed to become quiet as the daemon made his threats. He let go of Valerie, at least just because he didn't wish to have his arm broken in to pieces. However the lycan made the mistake of trying to yank his arm away, making it become unhinged as he grunted in pain.
Valerie looked to Andrew, nodding at his words, but before leaving she turned around to look one last time at Joaquin. Her eyes had a bit of spark to them as she removed the ring, a symbol of her being his, and tossing it on the floor in front of him. Her friends gasped, shocked at the development, some of the guys muttering about it being unfair because the daemon was so big. Valerie turned to look at Andrew, grabbing his hand as he led them out of the building. Once they got away, she could hear the faint sound of police sirens echoing through the streets, and as they reached a good block away she stopped running. She was still holding the daemon's hand, but something felt off to her. Were they back together? Or was this just him helping her to break free so she could run off? Swallowing she just stared at him, at a loss for words, when they couldn't even begin to describe how grateful she was. Her body was beaten, but beneath all of the bruises, she seemed to hold on to hope of healing. But could she heal without him? "I need you in my life, Drew," a sweet plea that she hope wouldn't go unheard.

The entangling of their fingers felt so natural, and it was something real that made her heart beat faster as she looked at him. "I know," she said. Part of her had wanted that, to see Joaquin squashed to nothing but the pulp he deserved to be, but alas she still had kindness in her heart. That hadn't been broken down. His words made her look down in shame, and as he said she should've ran away, her lips separated ready to protest, but then came the sweetest words ever spoken by the tall brute. Her eyes darted back to his, wide open and hope burning deep within them. "You love me?" She whispered, needing confirmation that she hadn't just imagined it. Her mouth was open, ears ready to hear everything he wanted to say, but her body couldn't wait to hear the answer. Her hand reached up, cupping his face and with the connection so strong, she felt what he had said to be true. "Andrew," she pleaded in a soft whisper. How was she ever going to turn away from him now? Knowing how he felt, and on top of that how she felt so much for him. "I love you," she said, her eyes filling with tears, because she had never said so sweet words to another person before. "I know ... I know it's stupid and reckless ... But I want our fantasy as a reality," she whispered longingly.

"I'm not looking for someone perfect or good ... I just want someone - you - that cares for me," she said. She knew it would be troublesome, she knew the trials were not yet over, and that they would continue to be tested by both their families. Valerie could accept Andrew's flaws, because he accepted hers, and while things could always turn around, she just felt like she could trust him. Looking down for a while, she tried breathing calmly. It wasn't because she was out of breath from having run away, no that had been an easy sprint. He was the one making her heart beat that loudly. "Maybe we should stay low for a while ... Go somewhere where people can't easily get access to us?" she said, frowning at her own words. It sounded like running away, but to her it was about her needing to gather her strength; To heal and be ready for another round of attacks. "Maybe we should inform Elora, if you think we can trust her, and then just leave for a while?" she added.
Was this crazy talk or just pure desperation? A need to be with the one that treated her right. The lycan knew she couldn't change the nature of the daemon and vice versa. It was a mutual respect, a partnership build on trust and understanding - or at least a want to understand. "Korinthia is lovely this time of year and it's the last place anyone would look for either of us," she suggested turning her gaze to look in to his chocolate brown eyes. She was being dead serious. If they could leave Churchill for a while, maybe they could establish some ground rules for how they could be together, and they could find time to heal and be together again.

Valerie felt a smile bloom on her lips as he agreed to go away with her. Her heart racing ever faster as his gaze moved to their entangled fingers, making her own eyes look at them as well. There was something comforting about that small gesture, something so sweet and innocent. His admittance made her chuckle, a bit from being overrun by emotions, but also because it sounded like more than she could ever ask for. It was that giddy feeling that moved through her body, that pull towards him that made her want to fight everything and everyone just to have a moment like this with him.
The only thing that worried her was his next sentence, and having to tell her parents. A shiver ran down her spine, not knowing how to reply, but he caught her off guard once more as he leaned closed to her. Her eyes fell shut, the way he kissed was so different, but what had changed? The fact that they were actually making their dream in to a reality? Returning the kiss, she felt her heart flutter to the most wonderful melody, and she wanted to let this kiss last forever. However it wasn't safe to be out here so openly, not if his sister was around, or if someone she knew caught wind of it. "Let's go to my parents ... If we get there before Joaquin, we might have a chance; But you'll have to speak for yourself because they'll ask you of your worth and family," she whispered, leaning her forehead briefly to his. Taking a deep breath she nodded before waving a taxi closer. Any other day it would've been a bit fun to see the large daemon climb in to the vehicle, but now was not a time for laughter. She gave the driver the address of her parents, holding Andrew's hand in hers and she felt nervous. She had tried being rebellious once, and it had backfired horribly. "They have my passport as well, but I might be able to grab it even if we don't get their consent," she whispered, leaning her head against his shoulder.

Valerie chuckled a bit at his words about her parents, but alas it was the truth. She knew they were just trying to protect their legacy, but by now they should know that the female lycan was far wilder than both of them. "Just ... Just remember to breathe," she said, but it sounded more like a reminder to herself. She held his hand tightly in her own, lifting it up to kiss the back of his hand gently. Looking out the window she saw the scenery change a little, mostly because they were moving in to the Northern District. It was clear from everything that the houses in this neighborhood had families with a great amount of wealth. They reached the address, paying the driver as she got out. Looking up at the large house she felt a shiver run down her spine as she leaned her head against Andrew's shoulder to gather some courage. "Here goes nothing," she whispered. There was no sign of Joaquin's car, and she hoped that her parents would hear her out.
Inside the large home, everything seemed so homey. Wood decorating everything, making it have almost a cottage feel, but Valerie knew better than to trust the looks of her childhood home. Still holding his hand in hers she moved in to the living room, her parents sitting in their sofa. Her mother, a lycan with golden hair and grey strands, looked a little confused as her daughter entered. The father, a lycan as well with dark brown hair and grey sides, frowned as he saw where his daughter's hand was. "Hi mum, dad," Valerie said in a shy voice. She felt nervous, and watched carefully as her mother placed down her cup of tea on the wooden table in front of her. "Valerie, I thought you were out celebrating your engagement to Joaquin?" the mother spoke softly. The male beside her got up from his seat, but he couldn't even measure up to the size of the daemon. "Now now, Xavier, we have guests ... Please - sit," the mother said, gesturing to the couch across from the parents. Valerie nodded, still holding Andrew's hand, and moved over to sit down. Once everyone else had sat down, so would her father.
"What is the meaning of this, Valerie?" her father demanded in a deep and raspy voice, giving away the many years of smoking he had under his belt. Valerie looked down, her eyes flickering a bit as she felt nervous to admit everything. "This is Andrew," she said in a timid voice, adjusting herself in the seat before looking at her parents. "Uhm, Joaquin had a run in with the law ... And uh, yeah I don't want to marry him," she said softly. Her mother gasped, placing a hand over her chest as she leaned back in the couch. Her father snorted, growling in the back of his throat. "What do you mean by that? And what does this Andrew have to do with all of this?" - "And Joaquin had nothing to do with that crime, the police is simply targeting him because of his strong personality," - "Not now, Loretta, let me handle this," - "Would you two stop it?!" Valerie interrupted, both of her parents looking at her with big eyes. "I - I want to choose who I'm with ... And right now I want to be with Andrew; Now I don't know if we'll get tired of each other or if we will make it, but damn it, I really care for him," she said. Both her parents were speechless, looking to the daemon to see if what their daughter was saying was true.